MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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