it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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