And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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