U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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