I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
