Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
