My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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