I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
