dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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