I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
