By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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