Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's blow job season.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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