3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
