made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
