Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
