she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
