I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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