the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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