; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
