summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
