I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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