eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
