I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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