and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
