I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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