Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
