This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sext me about skeletons
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
