I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
