I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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