Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
how does that bad decision feel?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
