mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
