Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
