Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
