You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
