Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Randomize
