mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize