is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
