I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
