I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
