My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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