I am midnight drunk by noon
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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