She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I will be naked everywhere
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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