Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
