I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my poor anus
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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