I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
