Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
