On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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