I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
