you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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