I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Be still, my beating vagina.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
