so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
