Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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