Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
