remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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