In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
