he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
