final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Slut skills are useful in every country.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
