I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
