I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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