i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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