i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
