you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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