I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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