apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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