TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
