I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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