Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
