It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Michael Bay diarrhea
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
