"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
