I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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