My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
