soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
is it fun? or sober?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
