Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
