we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
