So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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