What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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