in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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