Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
